omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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