i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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