so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
