Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
