i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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