Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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