So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
