why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.