420 ftw
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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