Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
