The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
