I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
