FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
