You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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