great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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