...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
