you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
