btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
