marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
