Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
