out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize