i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think people are normalizing furries
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
