Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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