All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
