dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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