Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
