feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
