dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
3 2 1 whiskey
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
