Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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