This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
