im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
whose parrot is this?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
