everyone is single if you try hard enough
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
