I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
