found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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