if you like me you must not know who I am
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
