There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
