and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm passing your future prison.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
