Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
