Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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