You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
