I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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