GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
