so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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