mondays should just be called national damage control day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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