this boner is exhausting
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
