I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
