I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
