she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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