New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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