went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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