i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
