Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
