Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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