We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
