So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
