Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
