Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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