My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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